I don’t know what to write about. Gone is my hard-hitting, bitching wit. My hatred of all things shit had been dulled by months of intellectually stimulating  customer service. I require inspiration.

Suggest any subject and I will write 500 words on it just for you. It won’t come gift wrapped or personally signed, but it will be dedicated to you, dear reader, and when I’m a famous writer I may spend half a second thinking of maybe thanking you for helping me recover the word flow.