Today I was introduced to a grown man who calls himself Captain Doughnut. A representative of head office come to check up on us, his badge actually read “Captain Doughnut”. Fuck.

He approached the doughnut box of hell in his cool sneakers, skinny jeans and red shirt with the collar up for no apparent reason as there was no rain, wind or sun. He yelled ‘High Five Team!’ as he ran along the counter in anticipation. I was forced to return the high five, which i did in the most unimpressed and annoyed manner I could manage.

As I was making coffee, he instructed the other girl working to salute the next customer she served. She did so. I wish he’d asked me because I would’ve refused in no uncertain terms and if it became necessary, I would have saluted him in the face.