I’ve always wondered if J.K Rowling’s Harry Potter series would have been anywhere near as popular if he had been named Gary. Observe.

‘Gary Potter and The Chamber of Secrets! Battling various mythical beasts and some evil dude called Doldemorn with his bestest ever mate, Don Weasley’.

It makes them seem like boring, middle-aged accountants, not bad arse rebellious teenage wizards. I am starting to think there is an untapped genre here. The middle-aged accountant, economist, stock broker, financial advisor, getting fucked up the arse by something that must not be named – the ever mythical and supreme being of The Market.

They need a bad arse, market-kicking wizard fighting machine to save no only their arses, but the entire world. In to this fray steps Mr Gary Potter. (Potter & Dursley Accounting Services, Gloucestershire). Now to think of a title…